beatojuice | Noctium Inbox

hey, i hope i'm not bothering you, beatrice
but i wanted to see if everything's alright
you haven't been at club for a while, and i understand if you've been too busy, but everyone misses you, including me,

(don't get me wrong, i'm glad you didn't see the outfit rena put me in last week)

[ It takes a few moments for her to respond but she does. He's definitely seen by now that she isn't the rude, taunting witch all the time, and right now her tone is serious, even a bit more on the formal side. ]

I'm sorry if I disturbed you, Keiichi-san.
You are aware that there was... trouble between Satoko and Rika, yes?
I was trying to advise both of them, and inadvertently led to their confrontation. I was also giving what in hindsight, was some truly bad advice, without understanding the situation. I made promises I should not have.
It would feel disingenuous to pretend the debt was cleared with their closest friends.
I apologize deeply, but those are empty words.

[ She doesn't know how much Keiichi knew, so she was leaving it at that. Even admitting that much was hard, but as their friend, he was owed something. ]

Satoko has been having a difficult time, so I've been coming to see her a lot. Doing what I can.

Oh... they told me they had a fight, but neither of them told me what it was about.

But I don't think you should blame yourself. I think they both had things they needed to get out to one another, and they might have held those things inside. It could have caused resentment and hopelessness.

I have faith that Satoko and Rika-chan will work things out. So don't concern yourself with what I think, just keep being my friend like before, alright? ヽ(。ゝω・)ノ☆

That will be for them to tell you. Not me. I suggest you have an open mind when you hear them out.

Perhaps. But I meddled without knowing the full extent of the situation, and did so unwisely. I hope they can work things out, but that is in their hands. Miracles are about trust.

Friends? Haha, you all really like that word, don't you?

You sound a lot like Rika-chan when you talk like that, you know.

But you're right. I love that word. My friends have been the most important thing in the world to me for the last five years of my life. If I hadn't moved to Hinamizawa and met them, I might not have ever had any friends at all.

And that probably means we wouldn't be speaking right now. And that makes me sad to think about.

We have a fair bit in common, as it turns out.

I'm jealous of you all, Keiichi-san. [ The honorifics are new. ] I never had many friends. And I was never sure that I could reach out to them or trust them. That I could tell them everything and not be rejected. That proved to be my downfall.

I'm not a good person. If you want to be my friend, you should know what Rena-san already knows. I've killed people.

[ His response, when it does arrive, takes a while to do so. Mostly because he's trying to compile his thoughts. It's a pretty heavy admission for her to make, and Keiichi knows that she didn't make it lightly. ]

I understand that it feels like you've committed a sin that can't ever be absolved. I know that feeling pretty well, actually.

I already told you I didn't like the person I was before I came to Hinamizawa. I might not have murdered people, but I hurt them to make myself feel better. And when I finally hurt someone badly enough that I realized what I'd done, I didn't even face accountability for it. My parents stepped up and absorbed the consequences for me. How can I ever atone for that when all I did was hide behind someone else?

I won't ask you to explain yourself to me, Beatrice. Whatever you did sounds like it was serious, but I can't condemn you for it, even if I wanted to.

[ She's not certain why she admits this much. During that game, after all, Battler had had to solve her crimes for himself. She hated the idea of being something that was pitied for her crimes, her miserable life, so why was she saying something that felt like she could be fishing for sympathy?

No, surely it's that somebody who calls her "friend" must know this much. Because Rena knew this much. He could make the choice whether or not to be friends with her after knowing something this horrible. It wasn't just because the burden was too heavy to bear on her own, right? ]

I'll admit you don't really look like the sort, but neither did I. I believe you, Keiichi-san. After all, I'm seeing the you of right now. For my part, I did a very good job of hiding how twisted I was. Most of the time I still do.

This world is a second chance, a possibility to live differently. I will take it. But by all rights I'm evading justice simply by taking that chance. The burden of those sins can't be erased.

In the past, most of the connections I had were based on deception. That's why I'm telling you this, if you really want to use the word "friend" for somebody like me. Old habits die hard, but I don't want to fall into the same tragedies. I don't want to lie and destroy, I'll assure you of that much.

[ It wasn't just that she was lonely, and wanted friends, after all. It couldn't be. ]

Edited 2021-07-15 03:41 (UTC)

You've already taken the most important steps: acknowledging your sin, and accepting that you want to atone for them. Those are the sort of actions that determine a person's true worth, not whatever crimes they commit when their life seems bleak and hopeless.

You had nothing to gain from telling me any of this, but you did anyway. That tells me more about the kind of person you are than whatever actions you might have committed in the past, Beatrice.

Now, I'm gonna have to insist you come back to club meetings so I can pat your head for you.

[ If he could find it in his heart to forgive Takano-san, then of course he's going to forgive Beatrice. ]

It isn't like there are any reparations I can make to people who are already dead. Unless they come here. [ Like Erika did. It really wasn't impossible. Maybe she should start doing some research into how the power that brought people to this world works. ] What is atoning, what is repentance when they are all far from me? When I am no longer in the paradise I built for their souls? I can't even reach those who were left behind.

Honestly, you're too soft-hearted. Somebody could take advantage of that some day. [ She'd seen it happen. And she wasn't so sure that she was a different person from the one that had caused the massacre. ] Besides, will you want to do that after I've thoroughly humiliated you in every game known to human or gemkind?

[ But maybe that promise to pat her head did something to her, because she adds: ]

Sayo. My real name is Sayo Yasuda. A lot more boring, isn't it?

Edited 2021-07-22 04:25 (UTC)

[ If Keiichi were single? He totally would be making some sly comment about how she could take advantage of him, just to tease her and hopefully make her feel better with how dorky of a line it is. But he's a good boy ~~who hasn't expanded his polyamorous circle yet~~, so he lets that one slide. ]

There's nothing wrong with that. I'll call you Beatrice if you prefer, or I'll call you Sayo. Just let me know which one you want me to call you.

I'll even add "-sama" to the end of it if you manage to beat me in a game while I pat your head. But if I win, I'll make you wear the most ridiculous outfit I can find and do jumping jacks for my amusement.

And trust me, if I can be in a relationship with Mion after some of the things she's done to me, I can take anything you can throw at me, no problem!!!!!!!!!!
(ง’̀-‘́)ง

[ Lines like that would certainly remind her of a certain somebody else that she knows. Even now, it's hard not to think of him, especially with his birthday coming up. God, she misses him. ]

Beatrice in public. Or Beato. That's the nickname that I prefer. If you want to call me Sayo privately, then I wouldn't mind that.

[ She's still working out that question. For 1,000 years, she's struggled to answer to just who she is. So she doesn't mind letting somebody else have an interpretation of her. ]

Hoh? You're talking very dangerously, Keiichi. Do you really want to see what devious and cruel tortures I have planned for you? I'll have you crying for mercy on your hands and knees within minutes!

Edited 2021-07-22 20:30 (UTC)

I like the sound of Beato. Then again, I don't mind the sound of Sayo, either.

[ Sure, "Beatrice" is more exotic sounding, but... there's something familiar about calling her by a Japanese name, too. ]

Like I said, whatever you can dish out, I can take. I just hope you don't get scared off by what horrible things I have planned for you when I beat you! I promise I'll be a kind and generous punishment administrator.

[ There's a couple minutes pause before she sends her next message. ]

Beato, in most cases. Maybe a day can come, when Sayo can be part of the club, too. But they are both me.

Hah. Be prepared then. If it wasn't obvious enough, I quickly took a liking to that club of yours. So there's no way I'll be leaving you all alone.

Edited 2021-07-27 20:03 (UTC)

I'm glad you like it so much. The club was how we passed the time when we were all in school together, and Mion's kept some version of it up and running everywhere she goes.

It's rare that someone who wasn't part of our original group manages to give us such a lively performance, though. You really are something special, Beato. I'll have to keep an eye out for you... and not just when I get to dress you up in a cute outfit. ♥

You all created a miracle with the bonds that came from that club. Rika-san and Satoko are in good hands.

Nevertheless, I cannot help but feel that I have violated your trust in some way. That goes for all of you. I'll have to work harder to live up to that opinion.

Don't worry about it. But next time I see you, Beato, would it be alright if I patted your head for you?

I don't want you to ever feel like you need to be alone again, and that might be the best way I have to show you that.

[ Sheesh. She really was weak against this type. ]

It would indeed be alright. Goodness, Rena-san and Mion-san certainly are tolerant if you're allowed to say lines like that. But that must go for you too, given what this place is like, no?

[ Did he know about the things she did with Rena that one time? Oops. ]

I truly appreciate that sentiment.

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